After celebrating our 18th wedding anniversary last week,I was thinking what I would like to share about marriage.Specifically,how to have a thriving marriage.
我个人知道很多婚姻中，丈夫和妻子作为室友比情侣生活得更多。It makes me sad!Because I know from experience that marriage can be such a wonderful experience.
You may think that the reason your marriage is rough,is because of whom you married.也许吧。In some instances,that is true.But many marriages that I see fail,it is not because one partner is irrevocably damaged goods or completely wrong.Usually,这是因为双方都有问题。Because we are all sinful at heart.
Let me note here – very clearly – that I am not talking of abuse.Obviously,if there is an abusive partner,then you need to leave and get help.
5 ways to have a thriving marriage
(1) Physical touch.亲情是自由的！应该有很多拥抱，亲吻，亲密，只是爱的触摸。Especially for your husband,女士！他们喜欢触摸和被触摸。Don't shrug off touches.Don't stiffen and refuse hugs.即使当你有点生气的时候——融化在他的怀里，你可能会惊讶它让你感觉好多了！!
I know,sometimes we kind of wanna be mad at him!We want him to know how frustrated we are.Or maybe we are giving him the silent treatment and let him know by our stiffness,how ticked-off that we are.
Ok,go back and read that last paragraph again.Seriously?!Is that a Christ-like way to act?Nope.If that is why we are refusing cuddles and lovin',那我们最好检查一下我们的心脏！（）did you just read that in John Crist's voice?!!Haha!!）无论如何，avoiding physical touches is a surefire,,fastway to start breaking down closeness in the marriage.
(2) Date night.Hang on!我知道——这条建议也曾让我心烦意乱，直到我意识到“约会之夜”不一定意味着要离开房子或孩子们。我们出去吃饭的钱不多。That's ok!You can have dates wherever you are,不管你有什么。
The main purpose is to spend time together,preferably in a situation where you can talk.Over the years,我们有：
– went on evening walks,,
– put the kids to bed early and set up a special dinner for the two of us (I decorated while he was at work),,
– ride with him when he checks mineral,water,or feeds hay (can take the little ones along!），,
– played board games and more.
When we have a little extra money we like to:
– Go to buy a Coke and a chocolate bar at the convenience store,talking on the way there and back,of course.
– Go out to eat.
– Go see a movie.
– Ride to town together when he has an errand.
I will say (and my man agrees wholeheartedly) that it is very important to spend time together away from the kids,occasionally.We were married before we were parents,and we will be a couple long after the kids leave.
如果你负担不起每年的汽车旅馆住宿，then drop off the kids with grandma or a friend,and stay home alone one night.（）absolutely NO cleaning,either!!) Trust me,the kids will be ok.即使是最粘人的，妈妈，孩子们。一旦断奶，drop them off!!回家吧，buy a pizza,break out a funny movie,go to bed early – just have fun!!
I know some you will say:""oh,but we do everything as a family!"Well ok.但问题是：你的孩子不会一直和你在一起。When they leave – will you even know your partner?Because trust me,you don't get the same kind of one-on-one while the kids are around.
与你的配偶有某种联系——只和你们两个一起回忆——这会建立起一段婚姻。If you don't believe me,go ask several couples whose marriages are solid,and who have been married over 15 years.See what they say.😉
(3) Communication is vital.I purposely didn't put this first,because we all get tired of hearing about ‘沟通是关键!' or maybe that's just me.😀 Haha!Anyways,是真的，尽管如此。We have to be able to talk about everything.
- 不说谎，不隐瞒财务。Be open and give grace.
- 提醒彼此你对彼此的爱。Yes we know it – say it anyways,and often!!
- Don't allow little gripes to stick between you.They will fester and grow until you can't fix it easily.
I know that in a marriage,eventually,something big will come along.Something that leans on the very door of your soul.Something that the two of you cannot see the same way.Whether it is a religious difference,诚信问题，some moral dilemma,parenting ideology – whatever.At some point,you will likely face a big hurdle.The answer is not to just meekly accept the other person's point of view.That just starts a bitterness in your soul that will consume you one day.I believe there's a better way to deal with it.
- Pray about it.祈祷上帝的意志能被双方清楚地看到。Pray for wisdom.Pray for unity.
- Ask other trusted,Godly friends for advice.Sometimes we are so close to the issue that we just can't see the situation clearly.Be ready to hear that your spouse may be the one in the right!!
- 说说看。Be clear.Even tell them how you feel.But stay calm.Screaming and yelling is never acceptable."你从来没有…！"and"You always…!"不正常。当你对某个特定的问题感到不安时，不要攻击他们的性格。Stay on topic.告诉他们你真的很想从他们的角度去理解和看待，and that you'd really like if they try to see it from yours.
(4) Go to bed together.我曾经认为这对我们的婚姻很重要。但我听过这么多夫妇提起这件事——我认为这一定是一个普遍的问题。But here's the thing;there are two ends of every night.There are the evening and the morning.If your spouse wants to go to bed together,just switch your evening activities to the morning.
I know,it's not as fun to get up at 5 am and browse Pinterest or watch your show or clean your house.After 18 years of marriage,I can tell you that a loving,close relationship with your husband is far more valuable than a clean house or any personal goals.Trust me on this.
A couple things you can do:
- Rearrange your day so your cleaning is done before bedtime.Yes,it's possible,but you may have to stop checking your phone so much and get the kids involved.
- Give up a show or DVR it and watch it during the day.（）真的吗？You're gonna throw a fit over a tv show?!!)
- Get up earlier than you normally do,and do your things then.Mornings are a wonderful,quiet time for moms!学会爱他们。
Again,this is an issue of building the bonds between the two of you.现在，it seems small.但是超过10个，15,20年，这些小习惯积淀成厚墙。You get to decide if they are walls between you or walls of protection around your marriage.You get to decide if they are walls between you,or walls of protection around your marriage.点击推特
(5) Eat breakfast together.Most wives that I know whodon't和他们的男人一起吃早餐，说他们的丈夫不在乎，or doesn't like to eat breakfast.But oddly enough,many husbands who hear that I cook breakfast for my husband every day,comment on how they would enjoy that.
I have an idea… how about you ask him if he would enjoy it if you would get up and eat breakfast with him?If he likes to cook breakfast – lucky you!你可以只吃谷类食品。If you don't eat breakfast – no worries,just sit there with him.You don't have to talk.你甚至可以打电话，（）gasp!!) as long as you both are ok with it.
但我告诉你，it's another one of those little things that bind heart and soul together.And yes,你可以change your habits.🙂
一定要拥抱亲吻然后说I love you"在他去上班之前。如果你20年来每天都这样做，you will have said"I love you"7号，300 more times than if you slept in.You will have shared 7,300 cups of coffee,and smiled at each other 7,300 more times,比那些不一起开始新的一天。You will share 7,300 more kisses and hugs!I'd say that is totally worth it.
不，it's not a big deal.But what if,从长远来看，it is?What if it is not the big stuff,but the tiny,日常生活，that create strong,持久的，爱的婚姻？One small act of love at a time,over many thousands of days,add up to a sturdy house of marriage that keeps you warm and cared for.Stop up those little cracks that let in cold air.每天为你的婚姻工作。Never let it grow boring or stagnant.
Nothing is wasted,no act of love unnecessary.It seems fruitless now,but keep after it.Year after year,you will see the wonderful return on investment that you made.
我相信这是帮助克里夫和我享受亲密关系的一些事情，loving marriage.我们遇到了困难，for sure,but always God has brought us through.
Recently,I was saying:"I'm sorry you had to put up with me through all these hard things."And Cliff responded:"I haven't put up with you.We have been through some tough things – but we went through them together.""
That is why it is worth it.To go through everything – together.