After celebrating our 18th wedding anniversary last week,I was thinking what I would like to share about marriage.明确地，how to have a thriving marriage.
我个人知道很多婚姻中，丈夫和妻子作为室友比情侣生活得更多。It makes me sad!Because I know from experience that marriage can be such a wonderful experience.
你可能认为你婚姻不顺的原因，是因为你嫁给了谁。Maybe.In some instances,那是真的。But many marriages that I see fail,it is not because one partner is irrevocably damaged goods or completely wrong.Usually,it is because both partners have issues.因为我们内心都是罪恶的。
Let me note here – very clearly – that I am not talking of abuse.Obviously,if there is an abusive partner,then you need to leave and get help.
（1）身体接触。亲情是自由的！应该有很多拥抱，kisses,亲密关系，and just loving touches.Especially for your husband,女士！They love touching and being touched.不要耸耸肩。Don't stiffen and refuse hugs.即使当你有点生气的时候——融化在他的怀里，你可能会惊讶它让你感觉好多了！！
I know,有时候我们有点想生他的气！我们想让他知道我们有多沮丧。Or maybe we are giving him the silent treatment and let him know by our stiffness,我们是多么的与众不同。
Ok,回去再读最后一段。真的吗？！Is that a Christ-like way to act?不。If that is why we are refusing cuddles and lovin',那我们最好检查一下我们的心脏！(你刚才用约翰·克里斯特的声音读过吗？！！哈哈！！不管怎样，避免身体接触是必然的，,fastway to start breaking down closeness in the marriage.
(2) Date night.坚持！I know – this advice used to bug me too until I realized that ‘date night' doesn't have to mean leaving the house or the kids.We haven't always had extra money for eating out.That's ok!You can have dates wherever you are,不管你有什么。
The main purpose is to spend time together,preferably in a situation where you can talk.这些年来，我们有：
– put the kids to bed early and set up a special dinner for the two of us (I decorated while he was at work),,
– ride with him when he checks mineral,water,or feeds hay (can take the little ones along!）,
– played board games and more.
– Go out to eat.
– Go see a movie.
– Ride to town together when he has an errand.
I will say (and my man agrees wholeheartedly) that it is very important to spend time together away from the kids,occasionally.We were married before we were parents,and we will be a couple long after the kids leave.
如果你负担不起每年的汽车旅馆住宿，then drop off the kids with grandma or a friend,一天晚上一个人呆在家里。(absolutely NO cleaning,either!！) Trust me,the kids will be ok.Even the most clingy,momma-babies.Once they are weaned,把它们扔下来！！回家，买比萨饼，break out a funny movie,早点睡觉-尽情享受吧！！
I know some you will say:"“oh,但是我们作为一个家庭做每件事！“Well ok.但问题是：你的孩子不会一直和你在一起。When they leave – will you even know your partner?因为相信我，孩子们在身边的时候，你不会得到同样的一对一。
与你的配偶有某种联系——只和你们两个一起回忆——这会建立起一段婚姻。If you don't believe me,go ask several couples whose marriages are solid,and who have been married over 15 years.See what they say.😉
(3) Communication is vital.I purposely didn't put this first,因为我们都厌倦了听到communication is key！或者那只是我。😀 Haha!Anyways,it IS true,不过。We have to be able to talk about everything.
- No lying or hiding financial things.Be open and give grace.
- 提醒彼此你对彼此的爱。是的，我们知道——不管怎么说，and often!！
- Don't allow little gripes to stick between you.它们会溃烂生长，直到你无法轻易修复。
I know that in a marriage,eventually,会有大事发生的。Something that leans on the very door of your soul.Something that the two of you cannot see the same way.无论是宗教差异，a matter of integrity,一些道德困境，parenting ideology – whatever.At some point,you will likely face a big hurdle.答案不只是温和地接受对方的观点。That just starts a bitterness in your soul that will consume you one day.I believe there's a better way to deal with it.
- Pray about it.祈祷上帝的意志能被双方清楚地看到。Pray for wisdom.为团结祈祷。
- Ask other trusted,敬虔的朋友寻求建议。Sometimes we are so close to the issue that we just can't see the situation clearly.Be ready to hear that your spouse may be the one in the right!！
- 说说吧。Be clear.甚至告诉他们你的感受。But stay calm.Screaming and yelling is never acceptable.“你从不……“and"You always…!“不好。Don't attack their character when you are upset about a specific issue.继续谈论话题。告诉他们你真的很想从他们的角度去理解和看待，and that you'd really like if they try to see it from yours.
(4) Go to bed together.我曾经认为这对我们的婚姻很重要。但我听过这么多夫妇提起这件事——我认为这一定是一个普遍的问题。But here's the thing;there are two ends of every night.有晚上和早上。If your spouse wants to go to bed together,just switch your evening activities to the morning.
I know,早上5点起床浏览Pinterest或看你的节目或打扫你的房子都没那么有趣。After 18 years of marriage,I can tell you that a loving,close relationship with your husband is far more valuable than a clean house or any personal goals.Trust me on this.
A couple things you can do:
- 重新安排你的一天，让你的清洁工作在睡觉前完成。Yes,it's possible,but you may have to stop checking your phone so much and get the kids involved.
- Get up earlier than you normally do,and do your things then.早晨是美好的，quiet time for moms!Learn to love them.
Again,this is an issue of building the bonds between the two of you.现在，it seems small.But over 10,15，20年，these tiny habits build up into thick walls.你得决定它们是你之间的墙还是你婚姻周围的保护墙。You get to decide if they are walls between you,or walls of protection around your marriage.点击鸣叫
(5) Eat breakfast together.Most wives that I know who不要eat breakfast with their man,说他们的丈夫不在乎，or doesn't like to eat breakfast.但奇怪的是，many husbands who hear that I cook breakfast for my husband every day,评论他们会如何享受。
I have an idea… how about you ask him if he would enjoy it if you would get up and eat breakfast with him?If he likes to cook breakfast – lucky you!You can just eat cereal.如果你不吃早餐——不用担心，和他坐在一起。You don't have to talk.你甚至可以打电话，(喘气！！）只要你们都能接受。
But I'm telling you,it's another one of those little things that bind heart and soul together.And yes,youcan改变你的习惯。🙂
Be sure to hug and kiss and say"I love you"before he leaves for work.If you do this every day for 20 years,you will have said"I love you"7,比你睡觉的时候多300倍。You will have shared 7,300 cups of coffee,and smiled at each other 7,300次，than those who don't start the day together.You will share 7,再亲吻和拥抱300次！I'd say that is totally worth it.
No,it's not a big deal.But what if,in the long term,it is?如果不是大问题怎么办？but the tiny,everyday things,that create strong,lasting,爱的婚姻？One small act of love at a time,over many thousands of days,add up to a sturdy house of marriage that keeps you warm and cared for.Stop up those little cracks that let in cold air.Work on your marriage every day.Never let it grow boring or stagnant.
Nothing is wasted,no act of love unnecessary.It seems fruitless now,but keep after it.年复一年，you will see the wonderful return on investment that you made.
These are some things that I believe have helped Cliff and I to enjoy a close,loving marriage.我们遇到了困难，for sure,但上帝总是带领我们度过难关。
Recently,我说：I'm sorry you had to put up with me through all these hard things."And Cliff responded:"I haven't put up with you.我们经历过一些艰难的事情，但我们一起经历过。”“
That is why it is worth it.To go through everything – together.